Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I've rarely wanted to kiss someone who expressed loud, public disappointment in my looks, but
tonight was the night.

What's worse? It was a guy.

That hasn't happened since Don Rickles sat on my lap!

to explain --
tonight was "Orientation Night" at WashingtonPost.com. My co-bloggers [12, maybe?] and I were to meet our two editors [Metro and Sports] and our two producers, get the lay of the land. Learn the ropes. Lay of the land.

Have I mentioned the incredibly CUTE producer and the incredibly cute photographer?

Lay of the land indeed . . . .

anyway,

the Metro editor came up, and I introduced myself. His face fell, and he said -- with genuine exasperation and disappointment --
Oh, you're not that fat. You're not fat at all!



that's where the kissing part came in. But I didn't. kiss him, y'know.
I gotta admit --

it made me happy.

But let's face it -- I am fat, and I know it.

I guess my funny essay explaining why I'll be the world's best fan blogger because I'm a fat guy who wants carrots and shredded miniwheats at the Park had him salivating over my Orson Welles-ian photo [imagined].

Enough from me. We go online Sunday night, I have to hold onto the URL 'til then, but I will post it. And it might even be fun.

It's sure as shit as close as I'll ever get to All The President's Men.

Except their offices are like a movie/TV version of the coolest offices ever. I was shocked that life imitated life imitating art [hipster chic throughout].

7 comments:

Mister Parker said...

You'll eat carrots and talk about Spinoza. What could be more all-American than that?

Scoreboard Scotty said...

Why would I talk about Spinoza when I could talk with you about . . . Dennis Martinez?

The Jestaplero said...

Wow...congrats on winning that contest. But I mean, c'mon, carrots and shredded wheat, how could they resist?

Can't wait till it goes on-line to get the daily doings of the Fightin' Actas.....

bigglesby said...

I don't foresee a lot of fascinating dubster bloggery.

There will be a whole buncha people, they're looking for more reportage, and I feel constrained by the situation.


I hope to blog about somebody's ta-tas

fitness guru denise austin said...

Unless video cams are there i'm sure you could find a few photos from the more portly days.

Scoreboard Scotty said...

I'm not kidding anybody -- TODAY is one of the good old portly days.

The Jestaplero said...

Do you think that by bringing 12 of you on board they are figuring most will eventually drop out, and hoping that the couple or few that really distinguish themselves will remain, and be featured more prominently.

More crucially - if you move up here to NYC, what are you going to do? MLB cable and DVR? The Nats only play 8 or 9 games here per season...