Thursday, August 27, 2015

I was raised pretty well.  My parents both would have told me that it would be wrong to call Donald Trump a cunt.



He's a horrid cunt.


There, dad, I done what you wanted. . . .

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

can anyone explain to me why an untitled post in which I displayed the baseball card for Don Zimmer as a Senator would have over 6,000 page views?


when some brilliant contemporaneous posts had twenty-five or so. . . ?

Campaigns

I just revisited Thomas Paine's brilliant 2009 analysis and rankings of the campaigns since 1976.  That motherfucker was and is a fucking genius.

I intend to ask him to update to include the 2012 campaigns.  But I'm very eager to hear what he has to say about 2016. . . .






[discussing mister muleboy. . . ]

the path to serenity

nowheres nears it


but my life became immeasurably happier when I stopped wanting to be special, and started wanting to be present and good

Monday, August 17, 2015

oh oh

Recently went to the Comedy Cellar in Manhattan.

Genius Comedian Sherrod Small interrupted his set to observe of my laugh:

That laugh should come with a crawl space and a missing five-year-old. . . . .









I thought of editing it to brush up my image, considering instead writing " . .  a crawl space and a missing neighbour," but what's the point?

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Euphemism

It was once poetic and heart-rending, I'm sure.

The Ultimate Sacrifice.

I hate those words.  They're like the slow-motion deaths in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid: distracting, and utterly disconnected from the ugliness of death.

Technically accurate, sure.

But soldiers who "pay the ultimate price," and "make the ultimate sacrifice," actually die.  Bleed out, sometimes, while screaming in pain.  In dirty ditches.  Leaving behind wives, and children, and families, and friends.

I don't like poetry when prose can slug somebody in the gut.

Memorial Day should include a memory that soldiers have nobly fought, perhaps, but are forced to die in some of the ugliest, bleakest violence imaginable.


None of them is served by romanticizing their deaths, even a little . . .

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

I play the rotten apple summer movie quiz

I, too, will return to better days, when I played blogger and responded to polls, surveys, quizzes, and other invitations.


Here, I respond to


MS. ELIZABETH HALSEY'S ROTTEN APPLE, HOT FOR (BAD) TEACHER SUMMER MOVIE QUIZ

from SLIFR













1) Name a line from a movie that should've become a catch phrase but didn't *
And then depression set in . . .

- Stripes

Len Blum

Dan Goldberg
and
Harold Ramis



2) Your second favorite William Wellman film


The Public Enemy.  As much as I like Jean Harlow or Cagney, I like Wings better and think it's a bigger deal.


3) Viggo Mortensen or Javier Bardem?
I like them both, and should vote for Viggo [just because Bardem is nailing Penelope Cruz, who moves me in untold ways].

 But Bardem is world class.  Every time out.  And I havent seen or heard that he "wants to direct. . . ."
  
4) Favorite first line from a movie


Hello, Duke.


- My Man Godfrey






5) The most disappointing/superfluous “director’s cut” or otherwise extended edition of a movie you’ve seen? *



Apocalypse Now Redux.  Revisiting one's "great works" can only bring trouble. . . .



6) What is the movie you feel was most enhanced by a variant version? *
 Pulp Fiction bowdlerized for TV has a certain ugly charm. . . .
7) Eve Arden or Una Merkel?

My Miss Brooks alone cements this. . . .


8) What was the last DVD/Blu-ray/streaming film you saw? The last theatrical screening?
Streaming:  Last Tango In Paris
Theatrical: Ex Machina
9) Second favorite Michael Mann film


Thief.  Tops for me would be Heat.


10) Name a favorite director’s most egregious misstep
Trying to name a "most egregious" misstep by Woody Allen would be like trying to name my favorite orgasm.
Some are better remembered [Soon Yi / that one in the vestibule at the rooftop lounge over Hotel Washington], but there have been so many. . . .





11) Alain Delon or Marcello Mastroianni?


Marcello.  Cary Grant with a funny accent.  Wait; that's redundant. . . .



12) Jean-Luc Godard famously stated that “all you need for a movie is a girl and a gun.” Name one other essential element that you’d add to the mix.
A camera. . . .



13) Favorite one-sheet that you own, or just your favorite one-sheet (please provide a link to an image if you can)







14) Catherine Spaak or Daniela Giordano?
Ne-e-e-e-e-ver heard of 'em. . . .




15) Director who most readily makes you think “Whatever happened to…?”



Mel Gibson.


16) Now that some time has passed… The Interview, yes or no?
Are you fucking kidding me?

17) Second favorite Alberto Calvalcanti film



Are you fucking kidding me?



18) Though both displayed strong documentary influence in their early films, Wim Wenders and Werner Herzog have focused heavily on the documentary form late in their filmmaking careers. If he had lived, what kind of films do you think Rainer Werner Fassbinder, their partner in the German New Wave of the ‘70s, would be making now?
He'd never have lived. . . .

19) Name a DVD you’ve replaced with a Blu-ray. Name another that you decided not to replace. *





Kelly's Heroes.


The Filth and the Fury.




20) Don Rickles or Rodney Dangerfield?
Are you fucking kidding me?


21) Director who you wish would hurry up and make another film







Nic Beery



22) Second favorite Michael Bay film
Are you fucking kidding me


23) Name a movie that, for whatever reason, you think of as your own



Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.




24) Your favorite movie AI (however loosely you care to define the term)
Rachael [Sean Young] in Blade Runner

25) Your favorite existing DVD commentary track *



Roger Ebert's commentary accompanying Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.



26) The double bill you’d program on the last night of your own revival theater
Kelly's Heroes and the Dirty Dozen 
I have little use for films when I can watch movies


27) Catherine Deneuve or Claudia Cardinale?


Jesus, you make it hard on a guy.






Get it?

Monday, February 23, 2015

Query:


Are Republicans who were once appalled when their pinko counterparts called GWBush a "war criminal" and a "monkey" (and laughed at GWBush's manner of speech)

equally appalled when the current Prez is said by Repubs "not to love his country"?

Are Democrats who are appalled at the disrepect shown the president being selective in their memory of the things they, and their friends, said about GW Bush?

Yes, I know -- "they're NOT the same! MY guy is good, and the other guy is evil!"


Situational ethics suck.


Thursday, January 29, 2015

Oh, To Be Young

Alan Young, who owned and loved Mr. Ed,

was born in 1919.

He is 95 years old.

He is doing voices for animation in Mickey Mouse cartoons.

Yes, he is working in 2015
I think this photo is probably fifteen years old


Fuck me

He's my hero 

Friday, November 28, 2014

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Why, oh why, would I comment?

The president's recent announcement of a major shift in the enforcement of immigration laws, justified on the grounds of Congress' failure to enact legislation changing the current law, and

the recent determination to tolerate yet again violent police action without criminal charges

just cries out for a re-entry of mister muleboy, on his horse about his brilliant views on these and other issues.

Forget it.  I don't know anyone who isn't burdened [as I am] by a world view that impedes critical re-examination of the premises of his or her beliefs.  Even "open" minds have contours of their openings, and once in, forms that must be matched lest their (my) brain explodes.


And, in my own way, I am easily able to tie the immigration decree and the police shooting and the grand jury's decision and the warrantless search of police records and the assassination of American citizens abroad and the demise of a free-ish Ukraine and the shitty new Taylor Swift record

together.


Those are the contours of my mind and opinions and beliefs.

Monday, September 8, 2014

chapman at the rivers

who knew that Mark David Chapman also got an autograph from Joan Rivers. . . ?



Budding photographer Mark David Chapman waits in line for an autograph from Joan Rivers. 1968

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Terrorism, 2014

"The City That Dreams Built, No. 2," No. 2


I'm sure that they'll get around to blowing shit up after they get a few autographs. . . .

Friday, June 6, 2014

Thanks

Seventy years ago, my old man was busy trying to stay alive by
killing Japanese boys.

And by outfitting aeroplanes with equipment better to
kill Japanese boys.

So he was not busy killing German boys.

Or dying at the hands of German boys.  And men.  And tanks.

And artillery.

A lot of boys and men did die at their hands, including those who must have died in the most horrible way I can imagine:  being shoveled by massive sea-borne tools into near-certain death.

What must they have felt when the landing craft slowed, and the crank was heard lowering that thin steel and iron barrier, with a continent aimed at their heart?  And for those who came out alive, how have they slept for the last seventy years?

The boys and men pictured here seem to be lucky ones.  Standing, wading --  lots never got even that far.




If the Allies hadn't been bold, and foolish, and obsessive, and lucky, Hitler might have extended the war for years -- or long enough to subdue the Allies with murderous rockets.  Rather than discussing the legacy of Hiroshima, we might instead be commemorating the dead of Manchester.

Of course, the boys and men who climbed out of those boats didn't constitute the Greatest Generation -- they came home, and started us on the path to our doom.  They raised children without shame, children willing to mortgage our children's futures for leisure and excess (I should know; I'm a mortgagor).

But those that came home came back having accomplished something worth thanking them for.

My old man, although thankfully not a Marine, landed with the Marines on Iwo Jima.  When I asked him "what Wave?" he'd landed in, he looked at me like I had just proven myself The World's Biggest Fool:  "there weren't waves," he said.  "There was only chaos."

And my old man looked up to the boys of Omaha Beach.  And Utah Beach.  and those lesser Canadian-type beaches, where boys bled their guts out and died, alone, staring at a smoky sky.  If my old man thought highly of them, it's good enough for me.

I say thank you to every last one of 'em. . . .

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Barack Obama is the Ryan Church of presidents

Two Observations

(1) If they made pizza without the cheese, tomato sauce, and bread, it would likely be a lot healthier; and
(2) George W Bush and Dick Cheney are likely war criminals.





I say likely because I am reserved.  Thoughtful.  Conscientious. Timid.

That stuff.

Cut out "likely". . . .

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Fuck Those Fucking Fuckers

Gilbert Gottfried.  Joan Rivers. Michael whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is.  Richards.



Asking someone to apologize for a joke is like asking someone to clean up a fart.

It may have smelled bad for a second, but it's gone and just doesn't fucking matter.

And if someone keeps going around telling tasteless, bad, insensitive jokes, then don't go in that smelly room.

The extraction of apologies from everyone for not conforming to some unannounced Huffington-Post-measured ethos is now mandatory.

Fucking fuckers.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

I Now Love Twitter

Dana DeArmond ™ (@danadearmond)
If you have to ask if I fisted someone in the vagina or the asshole, you don't know me very well.

Download the official Twitter app here


-from a portable device

Friday, May 9, 2014

-from a portable device

Lesson Learned -- a Rationalist's Tale

So I recently had occasion to go to an emergency room. 

I was not in extremis, but I've been instructed to go directly to the ER any time that I've    experienced an erection lasting more than four hours      lost consciousness whilst driving a motorcycle    had the particular weird symptoms that I had.

Anyway, a word of advice:  if you go to a hospital with the word "Adventist" somewhere in its name, you probably don't want to answer the question:
Religious affiliation?
with the booming and forthright response:
Atheist.

My experience suggests that it might be followed by a [simultaneous] collective gasp (from some) and collective snicker (from others).

And I know that in my case,  about two seconds after I did it the PA crackled and a woman began:

This morning's prayer. . .







Yup; true story

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Conservative Radio

I thought that I would make a rather trite, and not original, observation:

With regard to conservative talk radio,

An angry, offended, victimized body politic might be good for radio ratings and income, and might be bad for governance.

I occasionally hear principles with which I agree spouted on the radio by goons that I would gladly see tarred and feathered

Angry Snark is the tone of the day. Every day. And it's so poisonous and polluting that it's either gonna stop, or this whole thing will [more overtly] crash around our heads.

I hate those fucking fuckers.




Noting that people are people, and that bad behavior isn't owned by any particular party or philosophy, I suppose that I should note that I read much the same thing on Facebook. But the anger and bile is usually replaced with a haughty (my dictation program typed out: hottie) sense of superiority not earned by analysis or persuasiveness.

-from a portable device


I hate those fucking fuckers too.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

HuffPost is OUTRAGEOUSLY, OVERWHELMINGLY EPIC

I get a lot of my news from the Huffington POst.

Not information, mind you.  Nor analysis.  But I learn what's new and noteworthy.  You know, news.

But I may not be able to keep reading the fucking thing.



At one sitting, I ran across the following . . . hyperbole . . . in the headlines on the "Front Page":

Overwhelming number. . . .

15 Shocking Facts

Have NO FAITH . . .

[ ] is going insane. . .

Devastating. . .

Brilliant . . .

DISGUSTING

More Epic

Creepiest

Hilariously Bad

Crazy

Offensive

Ludicrous

Unfettered

Defining

MAJOR

Best

Extremely Embarrassing


Let's see. 
The "overwhelming number" had "lost faith" in an institution.

The "overwhelming number" referred to was, depending on the matter polled, 51%, or 60%-30%, or 80%-20%. 

 Leaving aside that none of those percentages is "a number," when I applied the factor to determine the "overwhelming number" of people who'd lost faith in something, I came to 810.  Of the 1004 polled.  By a partisan polling group.

People give CNN a lotta shit about "breaking news" -------- Breaking News -- Obama still president;  Breaking news -- missing plane still missing -------------- but this is even more egregious, in my humble estimation.  Everything is breathless.  Everything is

well, not everything,; I don't wanna go into my own hyperbole

so much is breathless, begging for those eyeballs and clicks.

And, of course, the article itself said "wide" and not "overwhelming"




Fuck 'em



I'm going native -- no punctuation, epic post.

No monumental fail here. . . .

And I won't go into my anger and dismay, reading that someone "graduated college" or "graduated high school"                you've heard all of my shit about the buttfucking of the language, I can't help it if they want to hang their mistakes out there

there -- I've gifted you my insights


Monday, April 21, 2014

piedmont park fete, No. 3

piedmont park fete, no. three, No. 2



Copyright 2014 mistermuleboy
all rights reserved
please.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Happy Anniversary

Hey, gang.

By gang, I mean misterparker

Anyway,

so yesterday was the ninth anniversary of my separation from alcohol.  It's been nine great fucking years.

my life has been full of unexpected rewards: love, [relative] security, proud and peaceful relationships with loved ones, health, happiness, and Dmitri Young.

I won't bore you with the "grateful, recovering alcoholic" but, I'll save that for my fellow drunks.

But, as you may remember, I used to--especially during 2007 and 2008--report on the mundane yet shocking amounts of money saved by not buying the booze that I bought, daily, for the last few years o' my drinking.

So I thought that I'd reprise that ritual, seeing as how I celebrated an anniversary that pleases me so.

If I had lived these nine years (and I'll cite the express opinion of one medical practitioner on my chances of living that long: Zero.  You'll be dead) and had continued an unchanged pattern of drinking, I would have spent

$82,322.10

As I note, I wouldn't have lived that long.  Nor could I have spent that money; I'd be unemployed and homeless.


But I like to know the money that I've "saved."

And no, I'm not free to go spend that money, which I don't have.


Anyway, happy anniversary, mistermuleboy.  glad you're here to celebrate it.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Water Below, No. 2

Water Below, No. 2 first vol.


I can't wait until Autumn and Winter.  How's 'bout you?




copyright 2014, 2009
mistermuleboy
all rights reserved
please.

Spot The Monkey, No. 2

Today, we play "Spot the Monkey"